Story Tellin Beshes

Wuzzup with gurls gettin together and tellin fokin stories? Stories in general should be saved for special occasions. Like when yur homie has a story thats at least somewhat relevant to what's goin on its coo. But some chicks man, don't know how to shut da fuk up and enjoy themselves. Stories are lame. Everyone has stories. Most the time I hear a besh tell a story and it's drug related I space her out instantly. 99% of the time I've had the same experience when I wuz FOURTEEN. Gawt damn these beshes. I need a gurl who doesn't try to outdo everybody at the fokin party. Juss chill besh. Shit. Like, some fokin random word will trigger an eight minute story that leads nowhere. I love it when they bring up some fukin gawt damn name. "(insert name here) was all like.. Omigosh." Fuck (insert name here) lol whoever the fuk that lame ass person is. People who constantly tell stories are lame asses. They need to do what I do and make a fukin blog or sumthin so people can shut them off if they want. I hate that shiet when I'm buzzin and havin good conversation with sum people and some bold bitch just won't stop tellin lame ass fuckin stories. Then everybody has to contribute their bullshit. Fuck em.

Ackin Different - A PawLy P Pet Peeve

People act different when they are around specific people. Why is this? A girl is with her friend and all the sudden she is an immature bitch? How did that happen? When interacting with an individual one-on-one, it is an interaction that is unaffected by third party influence. I do not understand this behavior. Although I may personally do the same thing subconsciously, I feel as if I do not exercise this flaw. I do, however, have to act different around some people to babysit their feelings or sensitivity. A lot of times I have to go out of my way and watch what I say because of another person's lack of social experience. As for acting different toward another person when with a group of people, that is immature and deserves a bitchslap from PawLy P.

Kumar & Harold Go To White Castle

I just watched this movie and I'm bout to shed some light on my opinions of this flicc. First thing to mention, it is like 1/3 as good as I expected it to be. Seeing the previews and just the overall theme of the movie made me expect a classic pothead movie like Half Baked. But naw... it's not that good. The Indian dude Kumar is kinda fun to watch but the asian dude is so cautious that it sometimes gets annoying. The movie simply wasn't written funny enough. There are no real jokes. The movie takes a lot of quick, weird turns and you don't know what the hell to expect next. I started to get restless near the middle of the movie. For being a recent R rated movie on DVD there sure isn't enough titties to calm the restlessness of sitting through this pointless flicc. This movie is almost as dumb as 'Dude, Where's My Car?' but shiet it's not as rememberable. This movie will be easily forgotten. I give it a 5 out of 10 rating. =P

Damn

Damn muthafuckas. I have been kinda busy up in this muthafucka. I've had shit to get done en urrthing but I'm bout to be back in effect. I've had a muthafuckin bitch of a time getting this site back up and looking sexy. But yeah the pics are fokin back. Expect sum bitchin articles soon, I juss gotta get fuked up first. Ha. That's a fokin joke kids.

Beshes & They Sail Phones

Hi! It's PawLy Pimping gurl! Anyways I haven't posted for a coupla days cuz I wuz in the pro-cess of movin back into the dorms en shiet kna mean? But uh, the purpose of this article is to discuss Beshes & They Sail Phones. Basically what seems kinda weird to me is how people in general answer they sail phones in public. All sail phones have Caller ID right? You see who da fuk is callin yoo. Yet, people still answer their phones with inquiry like, "Hello??". You know who it is why you answerin like that? Just cuz yur in public and muthafukas are lookin at you. It's weird. "HeLLO???". You know who the fuk it is ! It says it on yur phone!!

New YEARS STEEEEEEEEEEVE

Hi BOYS AND BESHES! Ish Ya Boi, PawLy Pimpin saying... yo.. don't die tonight.
I been thinkin that I might not even drink tonight.. just to like, not get arrested. I know one thing tho mannn, if I don't drink I am turning my sail phone off so I don't have to have drunk ass people callin me all night "where are u mannn???" shiet. Best believe I am a designated driver for no one.. Ha.
Ahahaaaaaaaaa! Listen to my voice post below for more info.

Aha haaaaa!

PawL Visits The Dentist

I had a nice little visit with the dentist today. I LOVED IT! The only reason why I chose to go is to find out how many new cavities I have earned. The freakin dentist started scrapin my teeth with this hook and she’s all like “You need to floss a lil more” and I’m like “shieet where can I get one of those hooks?”. Shit would be hella easy to clean yur teeth with that nice lil hook damn. It’s crazy the way dentists take it personal and get offended when you don’t treat your teeth as well as you SHOULD treat em. It’s not their teeth and they get mad at you haha. I’m like shiet no one on earth could satisfy you damn.. I brush mah gawt damn teeth and floss 24/7. I’m always flossin… PawLy P’s always flossin… gets dee beshes! Gets dee fluckin beshes?! Anyways I read somewhere that dentists are like one of the most hated people in the professional world, right up there with lawyers. Shiet, but anyways my teeth are shiny and I only got two cavities.

I Failed An Online Purity Test

I had a nice little visit to www.puritytest.net and took the 500 question quiz. It asked some interesting questions.. a lot of it involved shit and piss. The quiz is somewhat of a checklist and makes me think that I got a lot more sexual experimenting to do (never done 69 or had group sex =P) . My score ? 54.2 % Hollaaaaaa

Masturbation Killed Tha Cat? Pleeeez

Anyone heard that idea that when you masturbate .. GOD kills a kitten? Well shiet I say let him do it. Cats are selfish, stubborn, snobby, stuck up little beshes that don't care about humans. I'm a dog person folk.. fucc a pussy. Feline lovers be sure to email me and lemme hear yur stupid ass reasons for why cats deserve human affection, and respect.

Online Quiz Reveals that PAwL THE ASS is a SEXY "Muthafuka" READ MORE!

shiet well according to this online survey I am a sexy mofo with plenty of pimp juice and mojo!...

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	warm
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight *thas right*
Your touch is...	irresistable
Your smell is...	refreshing
Your smile is...	amazing
Your love is...	eternal
Quiz created with MemeGen!

MySpace.com Celebrities

4REAL NO JOKE .. myspace.com is tight for meeting famous people.. I met andy dick en shit and he's about to be on my reality show en shit haha when he speaks at EWU kna im sayin haha jussssssssssssss dippin, naked ass dippin sippin on couveseir gawt damn. i muss hafta floss today. now pimpin aint easy but its neccessary. so im chasin tom like tom chased jerry... .............. .

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San Andreas GTA beitch that is mah shiet
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Have U Seen This Qweer?

MISSING: A GWEER OF HUQQABLE HEIGHT.. GOES BY. THE CODE MUN ... ABOUT 5'12' MAYBE 6 FOOT. FEATURES: FACIAL HAIR & SOMETIMES GLASSES. ReSIDES in the PROSSER, WA area. LOL find this muhfuka and give him a smack in da fuccin face cuzz.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH I GOTCHO BITCH ON MY DICK

Google Search this you stuck up muthafuckas:!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH I GOTCHO BITCH ON MY DICK /
EVERY 5 MINUTE CALLIN ME ON MY HIP /
SHE THREW THA PUSSY SO I LAID HER /
CUZ I'M A PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYAAAA /

OOOOH I TURNT YO BITCH IN TO A TRICK /
I HUSTLE CASH AND I THREW THE DICK /
U JUSTA SQUARE ASS HATA /
AND I'M A PLAYA PLAYA PLAYA PLAYAAAAAAASSSS/

YO i AINT GIVIN UP NO CHANGE / JUSS TA LET DIS HOOKER BLOW DA BRAINSSSSSSSS...


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The cut from my homie Big Will.. Y'all about to be educated on that topic in a couple weeks. My homie Big Will from 425 EVT originally from Queens, NY... i'm droppin his site with MP3s that u will share with everyone on yur gawt damn expensive ass iPods. Stay Tuned.

Interesting Thought

This kinda shit frequently happens to PawLy PerK... I'll hear a new cut on TV or MP3 or sum shiet and dislike it. But then.. I get to playin it in my car at 80 MPH and DAMN I luv dis song!!! Play tha shit on repeat and never get enough? Some things I just don't understand. IT's 4 IN THA MORNINNNNNNNNG and I ain't got SHIT to do tomorrow. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa CUMMEAR!

Handicap Parking

Is it just me or does it seem like every handicap parking spot is vacant? Honestly, I cannot recall a time when I gazed upon a handicap parking spot and saw a car parked in it. I can remember when I was about eight years of age and saw a fat woman crawling out of a car in a handicap spot who was clearly using her obesity to her own advantage. I saw nothing wrong with that woman except that she had no self-discipline and was a poor excuse for a human. Tonight I was in the car with several charming young teenagers and I was not even driving the vehicle and I was finding myself furious and frustarated. Come on, we had to park about .3 miles away from our destination, only to pass three vacant spots a few yards away from our destination. There are too many handicap parking spaces. Those fucks practically get valet parking. It's a good idea but somebody just took the shit too far.

Z.I.T. - An upcoming motion picture epic (PART 1)

Ahhh zits. The 'Z' word. Red bumps. Wut da fuck eh? Lemme take a lil moment to talk about nature's lil nuisance, the pimple. The zit! They start coming when little boys and little girls start to get older. Some of them make small impressions. Some of them make huge impressions. Some fade away within a couple of days. Some stick around until they are popped and end up being a fucking scar. LOL. For the people who believe in GOD or a higher being (such as myself) I must wonder, what is thou purpose of thy ZIT? Did ancient civilizations get these fokin zits? Did tha greasy food back then cause such nasty little fucks to pop up on people’s faces as they slept? Funny thing about ZITS, they sneak up on yeah, eh? U know what I’m saying girl. I can see your zitty face staring at the screen right now as ya read this. Look at that zit! LOL. Funny tale for y’all, back about a decade ago my sister was walking home from getting off the school bus with her girlfriend who had just plucked an unfriendly mustache the night before and was soon surrounded by, get this, neighborhood GIRL bullies. Anyways, one of the beshes moms was with the gang along for the ride and one of the girl’s pointed out the bumps from the plucked mustache and mistakenly referred to it by pointing and saying, “LOOK AT THAT ZIT!!” followed by a gang of laughter. LOL. Ahhh, true story no joke... call my sis and ask her hahaha. Anyhoo, ZITS ARE FUN TO GETS. I think them fucks might be caused by stress. Yes I believe zits are caused by stress. Why? Oh what you need proof or something from such a bold statement by the one and fucking only PawL The Ass Pimpin PerKaSeT? Well shiet besh, how bout the fact that them fukin zits love to appear the day before a very important event (e.g. very important photo shoot, school pic, blind date, meeting with long lost friend/relative, highly anticipated hot date, the fuckin list goes on). Fuck .. it’s 3 AM kids I gotta get outta here. I leave you with a nice lil blurb that coincides with a photograph. My friend, eh, let’s just call him Forrest, once had a nice little buddy that popped up on his forehead and hung around for a week or so. Once girls came around, he started to grow very white at the tip, as if he were doing an impression of a mountainous snowcap. One night I decided to whip out my good old Verizon (beshes!) camera phone and snap a shot. When I told the little red zit to say “CHEESE!” he got offended because he thought I was referring to his chunky cottage cheese appearance. I think my friend’s girlfriend like broke up with him over it LOL she was pretty repulsed. People, email me your thoughts @ ewupawly@hotmail.com.

My friend's hot red zit (before it froze over and eventually erupted)

Crock Of Shit

Wow PawLY P is fukin pissed off. I just got up at 8 AM to go apply for this labor job at Labor Ready. I wuz thinkin it'd be tyte to get to work out on the job ya know, actually move around at work, ya know? So I go down to this place and it's ghetto as fucc. There's homeless people all up in there en shit and the beshes workin there lookin like some raw sewage. So I ask to apply with a proactive smile on my face. The besh hands me an app with a fukin attitude comparable to a pissed off cat wet in the fukin rain. So I fill it on and than embark on the electronic survey. The survey asks me dozens of domestically fuked up questions. One question that it asked numerous times, although rephrased everytime was "Other than doctor's medications, what street drugs to you take A) Cocaine B) PCP C) Marijuana D) Whippits or E) I don't take drugs" . So shiet wut the fuk I chose (E) on all the drug related questions. The rest of the survey was about fukin fighting. There was at least 60 questions about how many times you hit people a week, have you ever hit your family, do you hit people when you're drunk, if someone hits you where do you hit them, do you like hitting people, how many fights have you been in, have you ever hit your boss when he said something you didn't like, and all these fokin monotanous questions. So I figured I would answer these questions like in the most nonviolent way I could so they would hire me. Wrong. The fuckin survey resulted that I wasn't qualified. WHAT THE FUCC? I answered that I don't steal, don't do drugs and I don't beat my kids and the beshes disqualified me. Labor Ready is a fucced up company. Jesus Christ! So I didn't get the fuccin job. I guess you gotta be an exconvict or sum fuccin bullshit. Fucc a 9-5.

New Destiny Child Video = Garbage

Wow. Destiny Child sucks ass .. you know why? Because of that stuck up besh Beyonce Knowles. She is corny just like that one besh J Lo. She is like that kind of besh everybody knows and everybody fucks but doesn't get the time of day wit her. Their new video "Soldier" is bullshit. Basically Beyonce is saying she would never date a white dude. She needs a 'soldier from the hood with street credit'. So that eliminates white dudes. That's funny cuz I know that gold diggin whore would probably fuck Ben Affleck haha. Whatever, that besh is so Hollywood. She duzn't even give a fucc about all the beshes that were kicked out of the group. They pretend like Destiny Child was always 3 beshes haha. Another thing, BEYONCE IS FAT now. She is gettin chunky as fucc! That is a HUUUUGE besh. All her meat is on her lower body too haha. Fucc an hourglass, she looks like a fokin upside down lollipop or sum shiet. She is lookin chunky as hell. Her legs are fokin jurassic en shiet. Cankles en shiet haha. Bottom line, Lil Wayne is mah boy but that video sucks. Beyonce and her group need to write they own lyrics so it can actually be real. Like Beyonce is gonna get with some street cat who kills muthafuckas and is gonna put her prissy ass in danger. Besh is trippin.

ORDER NOW!

For just four easy payments of $19.95 you can own your very own CODE-MUN! Yes thats right! He is anatomically correct and can be programmed to say up to 15 phrases. He can also be programmed to do chores, clean the house, give rimjobs to family and friends and much more! Order today by emailing wigger_15@hotmail.com. Tell them you NEED THE CODE-MUN


THE CODE-MUN

Darkness Falling

Shiet.. it gets pitch black at 5 PM en shiet now. This is pissin me off 4real. By the time a player like me gets up (1 to 2 PM) its already getting dark out. It's like some twilight zone shiet. I hate the freakin winter and fall en shiet man. Makes me not even want to do nuttin when its all dark outside (not to mention RAINING). This state (WA) is wack y'all. I'm stuck in this cycle where I gotta take sleepin pills just to go to sleep before 2 haha. The world is dead around here at 2 AM. I need to move to Vegas or sum shiet.

MySpace.com "friends"

Hey mom I made so many friends today! I did! Yeah on the internet! I love MySpace.com people... cuz gurls just love to put provacative ass pics on there that their moms would hate. If I wuz a besh, I would like put half naked pics on there and model en shit. Shit is kinda dope. But the damn website is always down en shit and I don't see how muthafuckas can check it everyday. People got tyteass profiles on there with all these internet web effects and colors en shit. To my recent discovery, half of my damn high school graduating (& non graduating) class is on there. Crazy shiet.. But for peeps who don't have a MySpace account, get one (www.Myspace.com) and gurls, show off yur body to half the country. U might get dudes from yur zip code hittin up yur email wantin to meet up and fuk!

DTJ the REAL MC

This muhfuka is the future! He's my boi. Hiz name is D.aron T.yrone J.acobson and he likes to smoke a lotta WEED. He offered me a $100 blunt once and I wuz like "nawwwwwwww". He is connected on the net and I want some promo from hiz ass! His website is www.myspace.com/dtj. If you visit his site he might smoke you out~! hahahaha . Stay Up kids.


DTJ REaL emCEE

New Spieldberg Flicc

Wuts good AMERICA? I wuz readin sum internet news shit and stumbled upon the trailer for the new Spieldberg flicc WAR OF THE WORLDS. Ha! This movie better bring sumthin new to the gawt damn table cuz we don't need anymore gawt damn high budget alien movies. I'm warning you SPIELDBERG. YOU CRAZY FUCC ! http://www.waroftheworlds.com/ the teaser thing didn't show shit. Wutever.

Killer Calves

Well, bitches and gentlemen. Lemme show you a nice lil pic. I saw a big fat besh walkin into a QFC or sum shiet and damn luckily I had my cam on me to SNAP a shot. LOL anyways peep out these killer calves. Shieet.

Killer Calves

Gimme Yur Gawt Damn Name!

What’s the fukin deal with people on tha gawt damn telephone. It’s like let say you’re callin for somebody and that somebody doesn’t pick up. Yur all like “Who Ish Thish!” and the guy or gurl refuses to expose themselves unless you do. Fuk that. GIMME YUR GAWT DAMN NAME. People never tell you who they are. You tell them who you are but they do not proceed until they are content and believe you are who you say you are. You have to prove who you are en shit. Shut da fuk up lil gurl and gimme yur GAWT DAMN name!

Morning Voices Can Be Pretty Fun

Good morning EASTERN hahaaaaaaaaa.. AHAHAAAAA. It is 1:30 in the PM and I have resurrected from my bed. Usually when I wake up I am "BOUND TO MY BED" but not today. I drank plenty of H20 last night which helps you in the morning... I feel. Anyways.. my lawyer called and I told him to hold my calls til I get on my flight later. But the reason for this post is to expose the people the art of MORNING VOICES. When you wake up in the morning, your voice is all grogy and deep and playful! If you are musician, get up and hit the studio mic booth you wake up for some interesting shit. If you're a radio host like PawLy P, get on the mic ASAP cuz you can do crazy stuff with your voice that you never thought possible. Without further ado, listen to PawL~

PawL 

Gurls in the weightroom

Don'tchu hate it when beshes be like "why didn't u say hi to me"... in general... when they didn't say hi to you? Who Currs?? It's not a big deal kna I'm sayin. But it's gravy. If I make eye contact wit a person I usually acknowledge that I know the muh fucka .. in the weightroom when yur hittin weights tho it's a different story. Conversation can wait kna I'm sayin ... there is work to be done in that muh fucka ya dig? That's right. GAWT damn RIGHT PawLy !

NETFLIX = NETFUCKS

Netflix.com is fuked up kids. Don't sign up. As of now, they have blocked access to my password en shit. I filled out lost password form and made a new one only to see that it doesn't FUCKING work. So I called the fucks and delt with their gawt damn automated voice service. It's funny cuz they ask you to be verbal en shit .. I was cussin my fukin ass off pleezbaleevit. Anyways I was on hold for a good 20 and got no 'agent' to answer. NOTE TO SELF: Call bank and block any payments to Netflix. Thoze fucks!

U Muthafuckas Could Neva Do It Like Pac Could Do It

Dat new Pac CD aint all that. I dunno. I got the download version kna I'm sayin. Em got him saying "Drop the beat Em" and "Ballin ass muthafucka named Trice" (on the song with Obie Trice). Shit is kinda creepy. I could do that with Sound Forge kna I'm sayin. It's coo and it will shock most listeners (gettin Pac to say certain things by chopping up syllables). I'll update later once I hear the whole damn CD. I got dozens of CDs to peep.

Gurls With BO

Awww I luv it. Anyways I met this besh once who I knew who was wearin a baseball Tee and that shirt stunk like Body Odor. I never looked at her the same LOL. That shirt stunk like a sweaty besh. She claimed her friend was wearing it prior to our rendezvous. Her friend was a sweaty lil BO besh lol. That was the kinda besh who was always sweating. You can tell gurl BO between guy BO it's fukin hilarious. It was one of the biggest turnoffs of 2004. More on those later.